Marriage

   "Do you still love her?"

   She had set down her book between us on the couch, took a few sips from her wine and was staring at the wallpaper across the room.

   "What made you ask that?" I said, looking up from my laptop. "Something in your novel?"

   "No.  Just wondering." She still didn't look my way.

   "We've discussed this in the past.  A few times at least."

   "You never gave me an honest answer."  This time she did look over, no hint of kidding on her face.

   "Like I've said before.  Yes, I did love her and still do.  In my opinion, if you truly love someone, you always will."

   "Have you been calling her?  Have you been seeing her?"  Her voice was a bit shaky now.

   "Of course not.  What makes you ask such a thing?"

   "You've changed lately."

   "What do you mean....changed?"

   "I don't know.  Withdrawn.  Self-absorbed.  Like you're hiding something."

   "I'm not sure what you're talking about.  Work has been stressful lately.  Maybe that's what you've noticed."

   She took another sip of wine and I could tell that my explanation was not sufficient.

   "Look, you get these suspicions because you knew her.  I don't think about you and what's his name..."

   "Kevin."

   "Right.  I don't think about you and Kevin because I never knew him.  No image comes to mind."

   "Well, that hardly matters.  I was never in love with him."

   "Okay.  Well, I have no control over that issue.  I wasn't there.  I didn't drag you away from Kevin."

   "Is that what you did?  Dragged me away?  Like some sort of caveman?"

   "Of course not.  An inappropriate expression.  You know how our relationship developed."

   That led to a period of silence while I, and I assume she, reminisced about our early days together.

   "How come it's always the man who ends up balancing two relationships?" she said.

   "Sometimes, not always."

   "Well, women rarely get themselves in such predicaments." With that statement, she folded her arms across her chest.

   "I suppose human males are not naturally monogamous." I wanted to take back those words as soon as they left my lips.

   "There you go again.  Covering for bad male behavior."

   "You're right.  That was a silly thing to say."  

   Of course, I knew it was actually true.

   Suddenly, her head was on my shoulder and I gave her a hug.

   "Do you want to go down to Carlo's and share a pizza?"

   "Sure," she said, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

   "Love you," I said. "Always will."

 

Questions for a Friend

Yes, I'm back and I have more questions.  I'm sure some may be repetitious but you haven't provided any answers.  Let me get comfortable on the grass before I begin.  Oh, and Kate says hello.

First of all, why did you go?  Whatever happened to our plan?  You said you would go with me.  Then you changed your mind.  Why?  Was it guilt?  Was it old fashioned pride?  Surely you didn't buy the argument.  We had talked this out.  We were a team, you and me.  I thought we were on the same page.  We supported one another.  To hell with what others might have thought.  Was it your parents?  Your sibs?  Did they change your mind?  Did they even know?  Did they know I was involved?  If that's the case, they seemed to like me.  What could I have said to change your mind?  Believe me, I would have done anything to have you join me.  I wish you could go home with me right now.

You may think I'm ashamed of what I did.  Would you feel that way?  Well, I really don't.  My convictions held true.  Sure, I missed everyone but now we're together again.  Some hard feelings, yes.  But I was invested in my future.  I still am.  I'll just shut up for now and enjoy the sunshine. I wish you could do the same.  By the way, Kate asked me to leave these flowers.

Eagle River

Sam first saw the river on a map in his grandfather's desk.  Since the old man had recently died, he took possession of the frayed and stained document, often wondering about its significance.  To his knowledge, Pappy had never visited the Pacific Coast.  

Rising from a glacier, set amidst towering peaks, the river tumbles westward through rock-walled canyons and a rich, subalpine forest.  At the base of the mountain, Eagle River, named for the bald eagles that feed on its salmon, snakes across the coastal plain before entering the sea.

Throughout his long, troubled life, Sam planned to visit that river one day and now, three years after Karen's death, it seemed that the time had come.  After packing his truck and locking up the house, Sam cut across rolling farmlands to the Interstate.  There he began his trek toward the northwest, crossing grasslands, desert and several high ranges along the way.  Avoiding the major cities, he spent his nights in campgrounds and cooked his meals over an open fire.  Though he wished Gus was still alive to keep him company, Sam relished the solitude and had to admit that his old hound would have complicated the journey.

Four days after leaving home, Sam coaxed his aging pickup across a final pass and began a long, winding descent into the Eagle River Valley.  Herds of elk grazed on the open meadows and stands of golden aspen shimmered in the bright autumn sun.  Eventually leaving the mountain forest, the route entered a ponderosa parkland where views extended back toward the higher peaks.  Far to the northeast was a magnificent waterfall, one of several on the tributaries of the Eagle.

It would be another half hour before the road paralleled the river and Sam stopped at several overlooks to observe the rapids and, yes, to watch eagles as they hunted along the turbulent stream.  Still many miles from the ocean, he came upon a beautiful clearing, studded with pines and glowing in the late afternoon sun.  This site, which looked both inviting and familiar, would be his campground for the night and he pulled off the road to unload his truck.  Lucky enough to snare a trout from the river, Sam enjoyed his evening meal as the sun set behind a low ridge.  Later, beneath a bowl of stars, he sauntered down to the river, wanting to see the Eagle in the light of the Hunter's Moon.

Several days later, a sheriff's deputy came upon his camp site.  There we no signs of foul play and information from the truck revealed that the owner had travelled a long distance to visit this idyllic valley.  Sam was never found.  Some suspected a bear attack but most believed he fell into the powerful river, swept toward the sea and to his death.